I Can Save You
by GhostKiss
Summary: When Dean gets thrown under the ice during a hunt, it is Castiel's duty to, not just save him, but to show exactly how far he'll go to keep him alive- even if he's killing himself.
1. Part One: Did it Hurt?

"Live."

The words were like music in Dean's ears as he struggled back into consciousness. Darkness and confusion surrounded him, and all he could feel was a hot hand creep along his shoulder-blade, coming to a rest on the scarred hand print that remained there. It was like fire against him.

"Please, live."

His eyelids were so heavy and, God, he was freezing. He breathed in, but his lungs felt like they were coated with ice. A shiver broke out over him and he realized he was shaking. But the hand resting on him slowly became colder as warmth began to slowly wash over his body. It was slight, but still there. But, he couldn't remember why he was even cold at all….

Life slipped over him slowly and he opened his mouth to try and speak. Warm air flowed down his throat, unleashing a guttural groan in pain. The hand on his shoulder shot away.

"Dean," Relief was in the strangers voice. At least… he thought he was a stranger. Who was it?

Dean forced open his eyes, even though he was so drowsy he just wanted to pass out again. He was on the floor, and the light and heat gave away that there was a fire nearbye. Kneeling over him was the dark haired, blue eyed angel he knew too well, drenched head to toe in water.

"Cas, what the hell?" his voice was low and rough, he imagined his throat was pretty raw. He successfully leaned upwards onto his elbows, but a chill washed over him. He must have winced, because Castiel's face went from relieved to worried within seconds.

"You fell under the ice," His voice was shaky and also very raspy, "I flew under to get you, but I couldn't find you and we were under too long. I think we may be experiencing the early signs of hypothermia, and you almost drowned."

"Fuck," Dean squeezed his eyes shut, his memories coming back. He and Cas had gone up the mountain after a particularly troublesome group of vampires, when it started to snow really badly. When they finally caught up to one of the vamps, he had tossed Dean across the riverbed and through the ice. He remembered being swept away underneath, struggling to hold his breath in the freezing water….

He shuddered again, this time, not from the cold.

"Did you kill them?" He looked up at his angelic friend.

Cas tilted his head in annoyance, "I was a little busy saving you." Dean detected a little bit of possible sarcasm, but before he could reply, Cas' looked sick. Suddenly, he doubled over in a fit of coughing. Dean sat up quickly, even though his body ached and he had to fight back tremors of cold.

"Cas, where are we?" He looked around, trying to decide the best course of action. He was dizzy and disoriented and freezing, but something about seeing Cas in pain seemed much more important. Besides the fireplace and a small couch, the room was completely empty.

"Cabin," Castiel shivered and got to his knees slowly, "It was the nearest place to where we were. It is currently vacant."

"Can't imagine why," Dean grumbled sarcastically. This whole experience was ruining whatever love he previously felt for cold weather. The cabin, however, was actually pretty nice. Probably one of those vacation homes for rich people. He bet it had a really nice… Bathroom.

"Cas," He half-gasped, an idea clicking into him. "Where's the bathroom?"

"The…" He looked up curiously and furrowed his eyebrows, "Is this really the time?"

"Just tell me," Dean growled impatiently.

Cas nodded towards one of the halls, "Down there." He looked like he was about to fall over again.

"Can you get up?" Dean half-asked Cas, also kind of asking himself the same question.

"I… Maybe," He tried to stand up, Dean doing the same. Besides dizziness, they seemed to be fine. After standing, Dean actually felt a lot better, ready to take control of the situation. Cas grabbed his arm and leaned into him oddly.

Together they limped across the hallway, Dean supporting his angelic friend as well as he could, until they finally reached the bathroom. As he had suspected, the bathroom was huge. It was dimly lit by the flickering lights above the mirror, but it was enough light to see the huge, jacuzzi-like bathtub. He let Cas lean against the sink while he went to the tub, turning on the hot water to let it fill up.

As he began to strip down from his wet clothes, Castiel eyed him with a look that was both curious and lusting. His obsession with Deans bare body was something he had noticed before, but now it just made Dean roll his eyes.

"This is the fastest way to get warm," He said without really thinking, "Join or freeze to death. I'll leave that one up to you."

Castiel immediately began to strip down layer by layer. As Dean removed his own pants, he watched the angel carefully, his own desire rumbling from below. Castiel's -or rather, Jimmy's- body, was lean, and yet tight. Probably because Cas was just a really tense person. However, he was rippling with muscle, especially along his shoulders. Dean caught himself staring and looked away, feeling embarassed.

The tub was half-filled and Dean, who was now only in boxers, stepped inside. The warmth almost made him cry out in sweet relief, and then the pain hit him. His frozen limbs started to lose numbness, and he slumped in the tub, closing his eyes, just happy to feel.

A few seconds later, the water moved and he opened his eyes, remembering Castiel. The dark haired angel stepped in across from him, shuddering and merging himself completely in the steaming water, closing his eyes.

A comfortable silence stretched across them. In the dim light, Castiel looked unbelievably pale. Dean watched his lips, which looked the most cold. They were a blue-ish color that Dean had only ever seen on the dead. He wondered why, if he was the one who had nearly drowned, Cas looked so dead.

"Cas," Dean stared at him and waited for his eyes to open. When they didn't, he continued, "Why did you save me?"

"What else could I do?" He sounded exhausted, "Leave you to die?"

Dean didn't reply. Of course he was glad Castiel had saved him when he did, but he had never seen him fall over coughing, look so cold… sound so dead. He didn't want him to be in pain.

He sighed and moved along the side of the tub until he was pulling in next to Castiel. He ached, but the steaming water seemed to sooth his muscles. He half-wondered if there was a bed or any chance of sleeping soon. As he relaxed next to the angel, their knees brushed under the surface. The water suddenly began to bubble unnaturally. Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Excited, Cas?" His voice was clearly amused.

"Sorry," Cas opened his eyes adn the water stopped moving. He turned his head and stared at his brown haired friend, making him feel nervous, "What are you doing?"

"Helping," He stretched his hands along either side of Cas' jawline. Cas felt like ice under his hands, but the warmth must have pleased the angel, because he closed his eyes in pleasure. The expression made Dean's heart melt, "You're cold."

"I sacrificed my own heat to warm you," he said it so matter-of-factly, "To increase your circulation." And now everything made more sense. Cas WOULD be the one to donate his own heat.

Dean gulped, "You're a fucking idiot, Cas." but his voice was so soft, he couldn't possibly mean it.

"Dean," Castiel's ice eyes caught him again, and he tilted his head, leaning into Dean's hands, "My lips are cold."

He didn't need much more permission then that. Dean closed the distance between them and kissed Castiel. His lips were frosty, but almost seemed to melt under the heat.

It was soft at first, until Castiel pulled on Dean's lip hungrily, inviting him in. He slid his tongue between his teeth, and a tiny moan escaped Cas' throat. The angel slid one arm around him, holding him close with a scary strength. The other hand trailed up his arms and fell upon his own hand print perfectly.

It was like lightning zipped through Dean. He saw red behind his eyelids, and pain rumbled throught his chest. He felt it travel through him, and felt it on his lips right before it vanished as quickly as it had come. Cas shot away from Dean, screaming in pain. His true voice shone through, making Dean slam his palms around his ears. The flickering light bulbs exploded and the mirror shattered into shards of glass. Cas stopped screaming, choking in pain.

Silence ate into Deans skin as he stared, wide eyed and in shock, at his messy haired best friend, who looked like he was going to vomit. Suddenly, Cas' eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell forward. Dean caught him.

"Cas?" his voice was a whisper, "Cas!"

In the darkness, he held his only companion in his arms, who was clinging onto life. And Dean felt fine.


	2. Part Two: I Caught Myself

After the little bathroom scene, Dean had scooped Cas' unconscious body out of the tub and gone looking for a bed. He found one, just one. It was big with a feather mattress and feather pillows. It basically looked like the most comfortable thing he had ever seen. He was insanely tired, but he laid Cas down and went scavenging for blankets. He found a closet full of them. He was grateful, but a part of him wondered who they belonged to, and why they were here.

He propped the angel's shivering body on one of the pillows and began tucking him underneath three comforters and four thick, intricate blankets that looked as if they were made my Indians. He knew they would be enough, and warmth would come back to Castiel soon. He just hoped no permanent damage would be done.

Dean, on the other hand, felt absolutely fine. Well, besides a rough cough and some sore limbs. But he wasn't unnaturally chilled anymore. He lay down on the floor under his blanket, faintly beginning to wonder why Cas looked so bad. But when his head hit the pillow, exhaustion overcame him.

Discomfort lingered in the back of his head before he drifted to sleep.

Dean didn't think he had slept for even two hours when he woke again. Eyes wide, he stared at the ceiling. Nothing around him moved. A slight chill crept over him, and he wondered for several minutes why he had woken up. A nightmare… Though he didn't remember it. He didn't usually get those anymore. It felt like life was its own sort of nightmare these days. After a little longer, he realized Cas was hyperventilating.

He was on his feet so fast he felt dizzy, but he stumbled towards the bed anyway. Cas' chest was rising up and down and frightening speeds, but as far as Dean could see, he was still out cold. Dean knelt by the bed and placed his hand on Cas' face, trying not to wince against the cold. But right to his touch, Cas' breathing began to slow. He let out the most pathetic whimper Dean had ever heard, and it broke his heart.

"Shh… It's okay. I'm here." He muttered quietly, watching the calm settle back over his friends face as he stroked a thumb over his prickly jaw line.

When he thought Cas was asleep again, he turned around to go back to bed, but suddenly Cas grabbed his hand, keeping him there.

"Stay," He whispered, his eyes opening a little. They were watery and sad, and looked black and cat-like in the dark. Dean swallowed hard and his heart sped up. Yes, the idea of using body warmth to help Cas had crossed his mind, but it kind of scared him. He didn't know if he trusted himself to NOT piss Cas off. It was bad enough he had kissed the dude and was kinda having a big gay crisis over it.

But then again, Cas told him to.

However, Cas wasn't in his right mind right now.

But Cas was cold.

_Ah, fuck it._

Throwing caution to the wind, Dean pulled back the thick layer of blankets and climbed into bed with the sleepy haired angel. As he pulled the covers back over them, Cas was rapping himself fully in Dean. One arm wrapped around Deans back while the other pressed a cold palm to his stomach. Their bare legs intertwined together and Cas rested his head at Deans neck, breathing into his collarbone.

The new intimate pose and the fact they only had boxers on between them made Dean go red in the face. The fact his… junk was now resting against Cas' stomach made it all the more difficult to NOT become half –hard. But, Cas was getting warm quickly now, and that was good, something to focus on. He planted a quick kiss to the mess of black hair, which smelled faintly like coffee and sweat, which Dean kind of enjoyed, before drifting back into sleep.

Dean didn't know exactly when he and Cas had gone to sleep together, but he imagined it had been around midnight. And judging by the dim light coming through the window, it was about seven in the morning now. Despite the sleep, he was still exhausted. He had kept waking up to Cas' shivers and whimpers in the dark, and waking himself up from a nightmare that he couldn't quite remember… Now, his body ached and he had a screaming headache. Suddenly his stomach grumbled.

Oh yeah, he was hungry too.

"You require sustenance," Cas mumbled from under the sheets, making Dean jump a little. He didn't expect Cas to be conscious. His eyes flickered open.

As some point in the night, Cas had untangled himself from Dean's body. He was now laying on his back, still very close to Dean, with the blankets pulled over half his face, only revealing his eyes and tangled hair. He looked hilarious, but completely adorable. Like a little kid, which made Dean feel like a pedo.

Dean rolled onto his side and looked at him, smiling, "I've gone a lot longer without food. I don't _require_ anything."

"I'll fly and find you food." But he stared at Dean, making no attempt to move.

"No, dude, its fine. I'll figure food out later." He reached down and entwined his hands in Cas' hair, brushing his lips over his forehead, "Can't I enjoy this with you for a little longer?"

"If you wish," He said in monotone. But Dean could see that he was blushing and he smiled to himself. Cas couldn't fool him, especially when he was half-sleepy and sick.

A frown seeped back into his face, "Hey, what happened last night?"

Cas scrutinized him, "What do you mean?"

"When we… You know," He looked away, "And you went all crazy angel on me?"

"Oh," Cas rolled onto his side, not facing Dean, "I took away your pain. The physical contact was just enough for me to drain the hypothermia from your body and pull it into mine."

Dean was shocked for a moment, just staring at Cas' perfect back. Hurt bubbled under his skin, quickly replaced with anger.

He sat up and pushed the covers off, getting out of the bed quickly. Cas turned around and looked at him, confusion clouding his eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to see if my clothes are dry," he growled, "Stay here and get some fucking rest."

Cas sat up, "Dean?"

But he was out the door quickly, shutting it behind him. He felt so fucking stupid. He shouldn't have gotten into bed with Castiel last night, what a god damned nightmare this was now. He thought there had been something there. Maybe a flicker of passion, and maybe the douche-bag angel wasn't so bad. He made Dean like him, question his damn sexuality, _kiss_ him. And it meant nothing? Just a touch so he could suck out his pain?

What a dick.

Dean was throwing open cupboard doors in the kitchen, looking for food rather angrily, when he tasted the salt.

_Salt…? What?_ He blinked furiously and ran into the bathroom, picking up a shard of broken glass and gazing into it. He was crying. Actually crying. Again. Fuck Castiel, he was the only person who could make Dean feel like this.

He dropped the shard and left the room, slumping back to the empty kitchen. He wanted to die.

"Dean…?"

He swung around, and there was the angel himself, wrapped in a blanket like a child and leaning against the door frame. He looked so innocent, so confused. Fuck. He probably didn't mean to do what he did. Castiel was so oblivious, he probably didn't even understand what the kiss meant. Dean felt his face getting hot. Cas had caught him in his bed like a needy asshole, and now he was crying like a total idiot right in front of him. How embarrassing.

"Are you okay?" Cas didn't look so monotone, for once. His face showed genuine concern, serious worry. Dean bit hard on his lip.

"I'm fine." He turned around and kept looking for food.

"False," Cas raised an eyebrow, "You are slamming things, and you are crying."

Dean turned around fast, suddenly fueled by rage, and marched on Cas. He stood his ground, but when Dean was in his face, he saw some serious fear there.

Of course, like a jackass, he melted.

"I'm not oh-fucking-kay, Cas," his voice broke, "I feel like a dick and a retard."

"You feel… stupid?"

"More than stupid. I'm a freaking imbecile."

"Why?" He did that head-tilt that Dean found sexy.

"We kissed," He breathed.

Cas looked down, "Yes we did."

"And… And that _meant_ something to me. You know? But you just… you just did it to take my pain or some retarded angel logic like that." Dean turned around and tightened his face, trying to stop crying. He was being a baby.

"Dean… Please, look at me."

Dean did. Cas looked like crap. He looked sick and cold and hurt and just… so vulnerable. It made Dean want to look away, but he looked deep into Cas' blue eyes, like he had a million times before. They always shocked him.

"I didn't realize it meant so much to you," It was the same raspy voice from last night.

"It did," Was all he said. And just like that, Cas' lips were on his. Better than last night. It was sweet, just with minimal moving, but meant so much Dean couldn't stand it. And then it was over. Cas pulled back and his eyes flickered a bit. He swayed. Dean grabbed his shoulders and laughed.

"Am I that good?" He smiled at his beautiful angel. All his.

"Better," Cas' lips pulled into a sickly smile, "Dean, I love you."

The words hit Dean like a ton of bricks. But not in the bad way. He grinned and pressed his forehead to Cas'. "I love you too."

He picked him up and carried him to the bedroom.


	3. Part Three: Under The Sheets

**SMUT WARNING: READ FORWARD WITH CAUTION**

Dean didn't have very many kinks in the bedroom. He was a fan of good old fashioned sex with good old fashioned girls.

But then again, Cas wasn't a girl. And even if he was, he wasn't… normal. Not the norm for Dean because, for the first time in his life, he was going to have sex with someone he actually… loved. His emotions were heavy, maybe beyond love at this point. This was someone who could hurt him easily, but maybe, Dean could hurt him, too.

He carried Cas to the bed, who looked so fragile and lovely in his arms. Dean realized that Cas was still frozen to the touch in the back of his mind. Right now, all he could see was those beautiful ocean eyes, even as he laid him down on the bed, those eyes never left his.

Cas sat up as Dean straddled him, careful not to put too much weight on his fragile body. He leaned forward and brushed his lips down his jawline slowly, making Cas' eyelashed flutter as he sucked in a quick gasp before Dean kissed him gently.

"Is this okay?" He whispered carefully, "I mean, for Jimmy?"

"Jimmy is gone, Dean," Cas looked at him seductively, "It's just me here."

Dean swallowed hard. This was really happening, and suddenly fear was eating at him. This was new, and it was scary as fuck.

Cas must have felt the hesitation, because he smiled and grabbed Deans shoulders, "Don't be scared, I trust you." He pushed him back suddenly onto his back with wild eyes. Dean breathed hard, Cas now on top of him.

Cas leaned down and kissed Deans neck, then his collarbone, and went down his chest leaving hot kisses in his wake. Dean shivered with anticipation, suddenly, with serious force, Cas pulled Deans legs off the bed, continuing to kiss his hips.

Cas was on his knees now, gently tugging at the elastic of Deans boxers. Dean pushed himself onto his elbows and watched, getting harder by the second. The lust in Cas' eyes faltered, and he looked up at Dean carefully.

"You desire this, correct?" He said quietly.

"Yes," was all he could squeak out. So much for being a bad-ass lover, he was being a totally pussy.

Cas pulled the boxers down his legs, and then they were off. He looked down at Dean's cock with wide eyes for a second, like he was taking it in. Then, he put his hands on it. His cold hands.

Dean sucked in air through his teeth as he watched Cas wrap one hand around the base and start moving it up and down just slightly. He licked the tip gently, sending pleasure down into Dean. Cas took the tip in his mouth.

Dean moaned. It was actually a kind of pathetic sound, but the lust burning in him was overpowering. He became a sex monster most of the time, but he didn't want to do that. Not to Cas.

The angel was using his tongue to slick up Deans hard dick, which seemed amazing, until he really put it in his mouth. THAT was amazing.

He moved his head back and forth, taking Dean in completely, keeping one hand at the base, and pressing the other to Deans hip with incredible strength to keep him down. Dean moaned deeply, though he couldn't fight the urge to buck into Cas' mouth.

"Cas…" He groaned, running his fingers through the dark hair. Suddenly, Cas went deeper. "Cas!" Dean yelped.

But it was too late. He came right in Cas' mouth.

Cas pulled back, looking a little shocked, but his eyes met Deans, and he swallowed.

He really swallowed.

Dean stared at him, breathing hard, not sure what to do. But Cas leaned up and kissed him with tongue, so Dean could taste himself there. It was bitter, and yet good. And it made Dean feel like he, in some way, owned Castiel.

"If we continue, you should know," Castiel breathed, pulling back and sitting on Dean's lap, "This will bind us."

"Bind us…?" Dean tried to see through the haze of lust and understand.

"My father created sex as the most powerful binding ritual," He got off Dean and laid next to him, "With angels, it is forever."

Dean swallowed and got on his elbows again, looked at Cas, not sure what he was trying to say.

"I'll gladly give my forever to you, if you ask it of me," Cas' eyes looked so sad, "I already have."

"You're worried I'll never love you back after this happens." It was a teenage girl kind of worry, really.

Cas blushed, "Yes."

Dean rolled on top of him and kissed the angel with so much passion and love, it made him feel half-crazy. He pulled back.

"I want you forever."

Cas looked reassured, and pulled Dean in to the kiss again. Dean ran his hands down his side, making Cas quake under him. He slid his hands under his boxers, grabbing Cas' ass tightly. He let out a moan, which went straight to Dean's cock.

Cas was already hard when Dean pulled the boxers off. He rubbed the base of his cock tenderly, making Cas grip the sheets. Dean smirked.

"Roll over, baby," Dean said, his voice sounding rougher and more demanding then he had meant it, "Please."

Cas nodded and did as he was told, getting on his hands and knees, gripping the sheets carefully. Dean leaned forward and licked his loves lower back, tonguing down his crack. Cas let out a small squeak and Dean rolled his tongue over the hole.

"We don't have lube, or a condom," Dean gulped.

"I'm an angel." He reassured. There was still fear in Cas' voice, he wasn't sure himself. But no, not scared of pain. Scared of Dean leaving.

"Sure, hey," Dean reached around and grabbed Cas' hand, "I'm not going anywhere, okay? Trust me."

"I do."

Dean licked a finger and penetrated Cas. He twitched under his working hands. Two fingers, and then three, stretching the angel, who was making the most unholy noises Dean had ever heard. He just smiled and pulled his hands out and stood on his knees.

"I'm going in."

And he did. As the tip stretched past his soft skin, Cas whimpered gently. Dean pushed in and moaned, it felt so good. He pulled out, and back in, very slowly, purposefully to tease the angel on his knees before him.

He was gasping in ecstasy. Cas was so tight, and it felt great, but Dean was slightly jealous of him. The first time was magical, Dean wished he had saved his. And he loved Cas, which made it that much more pleasing.

"Faster," Cas gasped, "Please."

"What was that?" Dean smirked and leaned over him and went slower, "What do you want?"

"Fuck me faster," Cas moaned, "Harder!"

It was slightly fun listening to Cas beg for it, and _swear_. He loved teasing him more than anything else, why would sex be any different? But he did as Cas asked, slamming harder and faster into him. Cas' moans came regularly now.

Dean came so fast when Cas sucked him off, but this was going to be different. He wanted them to come together. He bent over him and wrapped his hand around Cas' extremely erect penis and began to rub it.

Dean was getting close, he bit down hard on his lip, but it didn't conceal his moans. He fucked deeper into Cas, making the angel make an ungodly "augh!" sound.

"Are you going to come, baby?" Dean muttered through his teeth.

"Yes… yes… YES. Dean I'm…"

"Wait a few more seconds, please baby," Dean breathed in, "I promise I'll let you come. We can come together."

Cas just nodded, and gripped the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. Dean let go of his dick and grabbed his hips, plunging deeper.

"Shit… shit… I'm… I'm gonna…" He gasped.

"DEAN," Cas whimpered.

Once, twice, three more times, he fucked into Cas as hard as he could. On the last plunge, Castiel screamed and came, so did Dean.

A few seconds passed, and Castiel loosed his grip on the sheets, falling forward, his ass still in the air. Dean breathed hard and stared at the beautiful scene. He had just _came_ inside an _angel_. And it was great. He pulled out unwillingly, wanting to stay connected to Cas until the end of time.

He sat back, watched his own come ooze out of Castiel. He slipped a finger up, getting it on his finger, and brought it up to his mouth. It was bitter, but the result of a beautiful thing. Cas slumped down, completely exhausted looking. Dean frowned. He had forgotten how sick Cas still was. And yet, he looked better. Dean scooted up close, and laid down with Cas, pulling the blankets over them as he went. He kissed Cas' cheek, and realized it was wet.

He stared at him.

"You're crying, Cas." Dean wiped the tear off his face.

Cas opened his eyes and watched Dean carefully, looking like a child. Again.

"Please don't leave," Cas choked out.

Dean sighed and wrapped his arms around the angel, pulling him right into his chest.

"You know you aren't supposed to cry after sex, right?"

"Dean, please." Cas sobbed.

"I won't leave, I am here. Shhh… baby, I am here." He closed his eyes, and felt his own tears coming. This was different. He wasn't going to just… screw and leave. Not this time. And now they had actually… made love. It really was binding, in an inhuman way. The thought of ever leaving Cas made him want to die.

They sat in silence and tears for a while, until Cas stopped shaking. Dean pulled away so he could see his face, his blue eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Cas blinked at him.

Dean smiled. Cas, looked like crap, and Dean had a feeling he did too. "You're so lame."

"Can we get breakfast now?"


	4. Chapter 4: Pour Me Out

Castiel was sitting on the counter in boxers and a blanket wrapped around him, watching carefully as Dean cooked up the only food he could find in the house. There were some baked beans and canned veggies in the pantries, and the stove miraculously worked so he could cook them up. It was a weak excuse for a meal, but it was better than nothing.

Mostly, he was mildly distracted. His clothes were still damp and so here he was, walking the kitchen in his boxers, being watched closely by an angel. The angel he had just had sex with.

Too fucking weird.

The silence was broken by the occasional fit of coughing from Cas, who seemed to actually be getting worse. Dean had suggested he go lay down, but he insisted upon staying with Dean. The silence was comfortable and not totally unwelcome. After they had… made love, Dean felt a sort of non-verbal communication.

"I feel as though this could be a dream," Castiel finally breaks his eyes from Dean and looks out of the kitchen window. Dean stopped stirring the beans and looks at him.

"What?"

"Our time here has certain dream-like qualities." He tilted his head in that adorable way, "It is like time has slowed down. The snow hasn't stopped, and it's always dark here. We seem to be in limbo."

Dean smiled, "Are you scared you're going to wake up and none of this will have happened?"

Cas looked at the floor, "I do have that… fear."

"You have a lot of fear…" Deans eyes widened and memories flooded back into his head slowly. This whole conversation was jogging something, "Fuck!"

Cas jumped off the counter and stared at him, "Dean?"

"Oh, god." He gripped the table, "I remember what my nightmare was about."

Cas shifted, "The one that kept waking you up?"

"Yeah I-" he stopped and looked up, "Wait, how did you know I kept waking up?"

Castiel's face flooded with colour, "I felt it when you did. You would jump. It was startling."

"Oh."

"What did you dream of?"

"I…" He stared at Cas, who seemed genuinely worried, and also scared. Like Deans fear was his. It made Dean want to smile, but he just bit his lip before whispering, "What if something can't be fixed?"

"Everything can be fixed, every soul forgiven."

"That's not…" He sighed and closed the distance, "I had a dream you were gone."

"I'm not planning to leave…"

"No, I mean…" Dean gulped back pain, "Dead."

Castiel looked down again, at the few inches between them, at their feet just together like they had done it before.

"I dreamed you died, and it was my entire fault because I didn't protect you enough, because I pushed you away. And you weren't just dead, you were destroyed. And I was left all alone. And I couldn't fucking deal with it. I couldn't fucking stand it. Not having you near me, not hearing your awkward comments and not seeing how confused you get when you don't understand things. Not seeing your fucking beautiful face and not seeing you sacrifice everything for me. You were just gone and-"

"Dean, stop."

"No! It killed me! I couldn't breathe in your scent, I couldn't watch you eat, I couldn't-"

"DEAN! SHUT UP!" Castiel was in his face now, looking exasperated and angry. Dean shut up.

Cas took a few deep breaths, "I can't…" He coughed, "I can't promise I won't die. I know you're looking for assurance, and I cannot give it to you. We are in a dangerous business, and dying happens. I mean, we almost died yesterday! But…" He rested a hand on Dean's cheek, "It has showed me that I will do anything to spend the time I have left, with you. If I die, I will die protecting you. And if I die, I swear by my father's name, I will do anything it takes to get back to you. And if I can't, just know I will wait for you eternity in heaven. And if, by some chance, we can grow old together, and I see you die, I will take my own life. Because earth is not paradise without you."

Dean didn't really know what to say, or how to react, but something in Cas' words made him feel angry. Great, they just got together and they were ALREADY fighting. He turned away.

"I'm going to eat. You should go take another hot bath and go back to sleep."

"I don't-"

"Go, Cas," Dean gave him a warning glance, which the angel seemed to understand. Hurt broke across his face for a second, before it was quickly masked by his solid poker-face. He turned and left the room.

Dean gathered up his food and sat on the counter, eating quietly.

He was being immature, he just didn't know why. Cas' words were meant to comfort him, not make him act like a total dick. But here he was, and now Cas was hurt.

_Fuck, I suck._

He sighed and leaned against the wood and listening to the water in the bath running. Last time it ran, he was with Cas, kissing him for the first time, and now he was here. It felt like a million years had passed.

Why am I fighting him? I should be loving him.

He jumped off the counter, leaving his food behind, and ran to the bathroom. He opened the door to find Cas, standing there completely naked. Dean tried not to look down and just marched up to the shocked angel, and kissed him on the lips as gently as he could. He pulled away.

"I love you, okay? I fucking love you. I always will. If you die, I'll die inside. And I'll never love again. But until then can we just… fucking enjoy this?"

Cas smiled and it completely melted Dean into pieces. Especially knowing he was the one who caused it.

"I'm awkward." Castiel wrapped his arms around Deans neck, "You think I'm awkward."

"I like it," Dean shrugged.

"I don't understand very many human things."

"I love that."

"Really?" Cas looked amazed.

"Kind of? Because you're more then that. You're protective."

"Overly."

"I don't care, just, kiss me and take a bath."

Cas kissed his cheek, which gave Dean chills, "Bathe with me?"

"Sure."

Dean pulled his jacket on and watched Cas stand there trying to fix his tie. It was good to see the angel in that fucking trench coat again, but it just reminded him that they were leaving this place. He kind of hated it. It was too big and he wasn't used to it, and it was too god damned cold. But sleeping with Cas, fucking Cas in that bed, kissing Cas in that tub… It was gonna stick with him until he died. So in that way, he kind of never wanted to leave.

He also understood what Cas had meant about this seeming like a dream. He wondered if, when they left, things would go back to normal. But he kinda knew that wasn't possible.

Cas finally gave up on making his tie look normal, and sighed. Dean just grinned, he loved that messed up tie.

He loved everything about Cas. The only tragedy was the fact he never realized it until this last day.

"It stopped snowing." Cas noted and looked out the window, sunshine finally glimmering down.

"Finally, I hate that shit."

"Its my favorite."

That kind of threw Dean off. He smirked at Cas, "Why?"

"Cuddling." He said plainly and walked out the door of the bedroom. Dean just laughed. What a child.

He walked after him, "Hey Cas?"

Castiel opened the front door, "Yes, Dean?"

"We're gonna have sex again, right?"

"As soon as possible."

**END**

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I post new stuff often, mostly Supernatural Fics lately, but sometimes I do Glee and other stuff. (:

3 Stay Strong, Destiel babies.


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